No.112223
Some people never smile because they're butt hurt or traumatized or whatever . They may not be trying to be cool. I am perceived as cool from a distance sometimes, but I do not typically remain especially cool in the eyes of those who get to know me . Childhood happiness means different things to different people. I enjoyed reading while homeschooled. Later on at real school I didn't have time to read and did become interested in being cool, so I think your theory applies to me to an extent, but , part of what ruined my life in highschool was being busy, I didn't have energy to read or play piano anymore.
by now I perceive most reading as a waste of time or a side side hobby , I enjoyed notes from underground but having trouble getting into gambler I read sapiens by that sick Jewval Harari and liked it except his equating consciousness with ability to experience suffering (why not pleasure or deferred gratification or ...) and then reading hararis next book nexus, I was utterly disgusted by his disingenuous support of democracy.
I do value peoples attention and admiration and stuff now, but I try to value it in a long time scale , like I try not to care what some random person who sees me today thinks unless there's a specific reason I need them to think or not think something. I've antagonized the main employer in my town which is a block or two from where I spend most of my time and live, and I cough loudly while smoking weed near their anti weed facility so I mainly accept the notion of myself as a weird unappreciated entity. . but this year I have a kind of nice watch and have been wearing baseball caps so I think sometimes I pass for one of the local normies. Anyways. Being focused on petty interpretations of how cool or other aspects of today's interactions were is a waste of mind which I unfortunately often partake in. In my wildest dreams, I'm never cool to everyone, I always want to be an enemy of some evil normie faction , I am a Socratic troll, idk if that's considered cool but def cooler than being that spyposter guy he has a diatomaceous earth smile that could frizzle miss July USA on a curly iron with three fifty magnets how do they world news daily drop
